Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Morning my Grandma Died.

Originally written on Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 5:35pm


"Daniel! Daniel!" I woke up on the first yell, I ran out of my room and into the kitchen, my mom and my Tia Elda were running around the house, I remember that the house smelled like Guayabas, We had been in that house for over a year and we knew that around the beginning of fall the avocados and guayabas in our back yard are in full harvest. "Despiertate Daniel!" "Mama!" and i was in the kitchen staring at the guayabas in disbelief, i snapped out of it and went into my gradmas room, I forget who asked me to call an ambulance but i did, by this point we had a nurse on call for about 2 or 3 days. We couldn't call 911 because it wasnt part of the contract. I called the operator and urgently asked her to send an ambulance, she said "what's happening?" It was at the very second that i finished my phrase that I actually realized what was happening right before me, "My Gradma is dying!! PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE!!" the operator said, "Is this the moment you've been waiting for?" I said ....yes. She said, "then I'm very sorry but the only thing i can recommend is that you be by her side, there's nothing else that we can do, I'll send an ambulance right away" I hung up the phone, my Tia Rosa asked what the nurse had told me and i told her. By this time my mom and my two tias were already by her side, "the operator said to just be by her side, the ambulance is on its way" tears filled the room, silent tears, with child like moans, prayers. My mom touched her mothers forehead one last time and said a final prayer in tears, "Grant me the strength to be a woman like you..." My tias tears were more silent, quiet whimpers, she was turning yellow, her moans were growing more and more quiet. Everything that I'd ever wanted to tell her in life I did, not at that point, but through out the life long relationship I had with her leading up to that moment. There were no apologies said, for there were no apologies to be made, by anyone. I held held my grandmothers hand and felt the warmth that was leaving her body. I was crying, thanking her for life, for everything, my matriarch. I looked up and in the four corners of the rafters in her room saw creatures with wings overseeing our tears in wonder and astonishment. She was cold, I closed her eyes, she was with papa Diosito. I let go of her cold hand, tears still running down my face, it was the beginning of fall and the house smelled of guayabas, I walked outside of the house alone, the sun wasn't out yet, I sat in the porch and stared at the moon talking to my grandma, thanking her one last time in tears. by this time my uncles and aunts were arriving and the sun was coming out, one of my uncles walked up to me and hugged me, in the background I heard his wife whisper to him, "leave him alone let him be with his grandma" it was then and there that I lost fear because I felt a shield over me that would protect me until my last breath, and no one in this world can do me harm and death is natural and I am not afraid. Now, she is back in the clouds, my matriarch, my chaparrita, my heart, see you when I get there.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

"Deep within my cerebellum"

Deep within my cerebellum
I compose dark thoughts that would split an average man’s melon
To keep it real here I stand as a literary felon
Seeking purchasers for these dynamic thoughts that I be selling
All you get for free is a sample of my lyrical symmetry
One of the financial have nots
Find me in the streets hustling this G.R. and EBT
2pac status home slice “Only God Can Judge” and
“U can’t C me”
Street gentleman, working class chivalry
When it comes to L.A. son, I know her intimately
South Central stomping that original 213
But I digress from the point now someone spark the joint
Dropping that perspective of the lower class
No solid pay check but still I catch wreck
I’m not that sucker duck, no I’m not what you expect
When I step to any scene I always come correct
Hungry for a little bit of change, I done come here to collect
Tired of looking and feeling bummy
Going all in for the sake of living life comfy
A dream that my grandma had, before she died she told me,
“Son you gonna make it cus I know you ain’t no dummy”
But when she passed, no lie I lost my will and felt mad crummy
Alcoholic and broke I see my girl as a blessing
Then I overheard grandma in a dream say
“Pick yourself up son, the lord will always be testing”
I began investing in my talent that’s when I saw
That I could only survive in this world by living outside of the law
The shit I speak is forever raw, what I do from this point on
Is for you grandma, can’t stand being judged as I fight for the cause
I’m a Public Enemy, yes a rebel without a pause
And I’m tired of these people that don’t know me judging me for my flaws
I got bigger goals than those who take on fake roles
So if it is that I’m meant to be a lost soul, I hope you never find me
I know where I am there’s no need to remind me
I been at the bottom, I know what it is to live grimy
If you think I can’t see, by all means let me continue living blindly
This General Relief can only go so far, no car
So I rock these buses like a MTA commuter super star
These reparations seem tempting, weed jar empty
Ambition is plenty, I’m gonna live life like the good lord sent me
And this is just a fragment of what goes on in my brain
Adamant about these thoughts that would drive an average man insane
That’s the name of the game, a free sample of my lyrical symmetry
In these raps that I be telling, I’m the rebel that that’s constantly rebelling
Making my argument detailed and mad compelling
To keep it real kid, here I stand as a literary felon
I live life with no shame, gimme my loot and then I’m bailing
In the words of grandma… “Go ahead mijo tell’em…”